I already had my doubts about your character, but against my better judgement I decided to trust in something that was never there simply based off of the fact that we were (supposed to be) friends.
I saw how you treated other people. I heard little crazy remarks here and there that you’d occasionally let slip. They showed who you really were. You were an angel of death. You were one of those water illusions in the desert. You tried to keep up a facade, but your true colors always showed.
You preyed on my hopes and dreams, knowing I’d fall in love with what you were saying because it sounded so promising. I imagined all of the opportunity and potential that could come from it. No matter how outlandish your claims were starting to sound, I had so much trust in them because I had so much trust in you.
I guess it’s kind of my fault: I kept blindly trusting even while reality was slapping me in the face.
Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong, I thought.
After all, there must me something wrong with me if my heart is telling me that you’re lying. We’re friends and you’d never hurt me like that…
So I continued to soothe myself with sweet nothings. I continued to live under the impression that something must have been wrong with my thinking since my version of reality was clashing with your words.
Time progressed and I found myself emotionally drifting away from you. There was something inside me that was telling me not to believe a word that was coming out of your mouth. That thing inside me (intuition, sixth sense, God, whatever you want to call it) was preventing me from being in your presence without feeling a heavy spirit.
My gut was telling me that I had befriended a pathological liar. But then I began to feel badly that I was even having thoughts about you like that.
So in order to try and clear everything up, I went digging. I tried to look at the situation through different angles/perspectives and gather new information that didn’t originate from you. I found that even the facts that I set out to find in order to use them to overpower my intuition were telling me that I was being lied to.
Then came the rage.
How dare you fucking lie to me you worthless shit, I thought.
And I haven’t talked to you about it.
I haven’t asked you why you would have lied to me systematically and methodically for almost a whole year.
I haven’t searched for your explanation as to how you could look at me in my face through countless months of our friendship and deceive.
I was going to play it off, but I ended up never texting you back after I found out.
The communication disappeared as quickly as the initial “hey” appeared years ago
I wish we still spoke though so I could curse you out.
I wish we still spoke though so I could ask you why.
I guess I was just an experiment to you.
I guess I was just a game for you to play.
I literally trusted you with my life and as I hold on to these pictures I guess you’re gunna have to trust me with yours.
You know who you are.